Lexington, KY – Just one day after winning its eighth Men’s NCAA National Championship the Kentucky Wildcats Men’s Basketball team found themselves in the University’s local Hospital visiting a fan who lost a foot after being shot during the celebration that ensued after the Wildcats victory. Local teamster and lifelong Wildcat Basketball fan Harold Calloway said of the incident, “it’s a small price to pay to see the boys bring home a National Title.” The Lexington native and lifelong bible-belter claims that the amputation of his foot not only affirms his faith in Christ, but actually emboldens it. “I would’ve let the good Lord take my foot years ago if I knew that it meant getting the Wildcats a ‘ship. Hell, I would’ve given a lot more than my non-racing foot” said the amateur racer and local middle school graduate. Anthony Davis has already given Calloway a piece of his unibrow and has pledged to give him a larger portion once his new Husqvarna hair trimmer/weed whacker arrives at Lowes. When asked for his thoughts on the matter Davis was quoted saying, “I’m so happy that he [Calloway] loved the team so much he gave up his foot for our Championship. I’m just glad it wasn’t my foot, ‘cause, you know, that would’ve sucked”. Calloway has said that the Samson-esque quality of Davis’s unibrow has already given him a renewed strength and Doctors have noted that since acquiring the facial hair Calloway’s wingspan has grown over 6 inches. Though no arrests have been made in the shooting that lead to Calloway losing his foot, Kansas head coach Bill Self has been detained and is being held for questioning as a “person of interest” in the case.
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